you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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