He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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