A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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