Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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