So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
