My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
