He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
