he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
