i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
