I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
