Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
