Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
