Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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