my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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