The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
