just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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