My nipple is on Facebook.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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