Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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