I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
