11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
