Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
