problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
