It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
