you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
