Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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