Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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