I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
