the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
