i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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