So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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