i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
