I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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