I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
