Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
