ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
