no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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