the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Two words: blizzard sex
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
