She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
