I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
These tits shall not be calmed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize