she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
