Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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