census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
