Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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