my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
