you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
