i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
