Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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