dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
