im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
