I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
