Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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