He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
