So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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