so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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