His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
