happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
