thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
