tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She announced her abortion via fbk
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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