He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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