i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
