Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You made out with two different species that night
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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