I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
