I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
