how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
