I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
